Marriage, Meltdowns + Menopause
Midlife Musings of a Perimenopausal Woman Kat Sanford | August 3, 2022
Sharing something a little personal with you. I hope these words encourage you and give you a good laugh. Read on to find out more about my midlife musings on marriage, money and menopause and enjoy the tips I share at the end.
This story starts with a meltdown…
Today I sobbed in the shower. Then I teared up as soon as I sat down at my desk. Why? In the past my answer would have been “who knows” and I would have stuffed the emotions and moved on to the next thing on my to do list. Thankfully a few years ago I decided to stop spiritually bypassing my feelings and found tools to raise my awareness, start healing my emotional wounds and live a more purposeful life. However, I am an imperfect human (aren’t we all?) I could be feeling out of sorts for any of the following reasons:
I turn 53 years old in 48 hours.
I am perimenopausal and Aunt Flow is about to arrive.
I completed a certification that is a really BIG deal and no one in my family celebrated me.
My husband is worried about money and keeps asking me to cut spending.
I am parenting a 14 year-old boy (who is starting high school in 2 weeks)!
My body is changing (menopause arriving any day now).
I am launching new offerings in my coaching business.
See all of the above.
Wow! When I look at this list it’s a wonder I’m not hiding under the covers. I have A LOT going on in my life. I bet YOU do too!
Honestly, I have been feeling “out of sorts” for a few days but specifically sad and disappointed. Unable to focus and complete tasks. What is going on? Is it "menopause brain" or something lurking beneath the surface and in my heart that needs to be addressed and loved on. In reflecting what triggered the sadness I think it’s when my Sacred Money Archetype® Certified Coach certificate arrived in the mail earlier this week. I was excited to receive this special recognition and it’s really a BIG DEAL to complete this course. In my excitement I said to my husband “look what came in the mail, my certificate. I finished the course.” To which he replied….NOTHING. Well, not nothing. Just a simple shrug of the shoulder.
What a JERK! Right? Maybe…or maybe not.
Was I a little crushed that he didn’t say “awesome” or “great job”? ABSOLUTELY! YES! It’s five days later and I am still thinking and stewing about it.
However, this is the same guy that spent HOURS this week trying to figure out a technical issue for me. The same guy that had dinner prepared when we came home from football practice last night. This is the guy who has been dealing with a real estate investment that is going to take more money than expected to repair and flip.
It would be easy to blame my feelings on my husband's reaction. I am clear this is NOT about my husband. Honestly, I feel a little guilty and bratty now for feeling hurt. My husband did not hurt my feelings! I allowed his reaction to trigger my feelings of not being important enough or worthy of his time. (Lots to unpack here but that’s for another day)
In all fairness, he had no idea I was upset by his reaction. Because I never told him and I'm good at hiding my feelings! Poor guy, he has never lived with a perimenopausal woman before so he has NO idea what might be headed his way.
And in reality, I live a comfortable life full of blessings. There are people struggling to find clean drinking water, a safe place to sleep, or their next meal and I’m over here sitting in my feelings because my ego didn’t get stroked. See, I'm good at minimizing and hiding my feelings.
Listen, we ALL want to be seen, heard, respected and celebrated. Why? We want to be LOVED. The need to feel and be loved is a basic human desire. And it’s a natural human tendency (in my opinion) to look outside ourselves to have our desires and needs met. This natural tendency is often the least effective or healthiest and often leads to disappointment and lack of always feeling like you need validation.
So, what's the solution?
What can I do differently in the future? Here are a few things that I think will work for me that might also work for you.
♥ Be Honest. For me, this includes spending time with myself in meditation, prayer, and journaling to be honest about what I desire and need from myself, my body, my marriage and my life. It’s also a time to get real about the mental and emotional blocks that are holding me back and explore ways to continue to heal and grow. How can I express what I need and want until I am honest with myself?
♥ Communicate Better. Does your spouse, partner, child, family, friend know that something is important to you? Do they know your heart’s desire? Have you told them (in words) or are you waiting around expecting them to read your mind?
So many upsets can be avoided with straight-forward, conscious conversations.
♥ Celebrate Myself. Have you accomplished something that makes you feel proud? Tell the world! Shine your own light! Treat yourself to a cupcake or pedicure…or both! Remember YOU are a BIG DEAL just by being on planet Earth!
♥ Be Compassionate. Be kind to myself by taking time to love my mind, body and soul. Especially during the transition into menopause. Choose to be patient and loving vs. reactive and controlling in relationships with my husband and kiddo.
Well, I feel better now and I hope you do too. If you want additional resources click HERE for courses and tools I love for life and business.